April 13, 2007

  • I spent the entire day tottering on the edge of sincerity, on the cusp of feeling. I had a knot in my throat that made me feel like I wanted to cry; not because of sadness or weakness but because of the cathartic release that comes with it. Of all the simple emotional expressions I can think of, crying is the only one that satisfies, that brings an end to itself.

    I've got scraps of half-felt emotions piling up inside me, shavings off the larger, fuller experiences I for some reason am incapable of feeling. Loss, joy, wonder, sadness, excitement, friendship, fear, and love. And the general contentment, the genuine contentment, with my life at the moment, covers over all of these so completely that I have no idea to what or whom I should ascribe each feeling, nor do I remember why I should bother myself about it. It is the vague stomach ache after a wonderful meal that dissipates in memory, but exists nonetheless.

    Today I killed a bug. I saw it moving across my room, and as summer, the season of cockroaches, is nigh upon us, I panicked and squashed it with my slipper. Upon inspection I saw that it was not a cockroach. I'm not sure what kind of bug it was, but it seemed harmless enough. I could have swept it out of my room with little trouble. But I killed it, and that's a fact. The worst part is though, is that I know there was that second before I killed it when I knew I didn't have to, but I did anyway...

Comments (3)

  • I had that sorrow before too. It doesn't feel good. I used to toy with bugs a lot until one day I found out letting one go feels better than killing one...

    I work mostly with Taiwanese tech companies. Of course majority of them are also moving their operations to mainland China. Are you going to stay in Japan for a while?

  • neither.  i cover the semiconductor industry for an investment company here in SF.  i actually focus on US-based semi co's, but the bulk of sales and manufacturing activities have largely moved over to Taiwan, with some in China.  so i talk to people over there at fabless houses, foundries, subcons and disti's...

  • i came closest to a clean room when i was visiting SMIC in Shanghai 3 weeks ago  :)

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